Midreshet Amit

• LIVE TORAH:
• Academic Program
• Yimei Iyun
• FAQ
• Recent Shiurim
• View by Parsha
• View By Chag
• Search Database
• Ask the Rav

A midrash brought in Yalkut Shimoni (Toldot, remez 113) elucidates the pasuk describing Yitzchak and Rivka's response to the behavior of Esav's idolatrous wives:

"ותהיין מרת רוח ליצחק ולרבקה למה ליצחק תחלה אלא רבקה על ידי שהיתה בת עע"ז לא היתה מקפדת על עובדי ע"ז יצחק שהיה והיה מקפיד על עובדי ע"ז לכך ליצחק תחלה"

This midrash questions why the pasuk mentions Yitzchak's name before Rivka's. Chazal seem to be assuming that Rivka's name should be mentioned first since as the wives' mother-in-law, she would have spent more time than Yitzchak with her daughters-in-law and therefore she would have been more bothered by their behavior. The midrash explains that since Rivka grew up in a house where she was surrounded by idol worship she was numbed to the religious affront of idol worship, even in a setting so close to home.

A textual support for this midrash is evident in a later pasuk at the very end of our parsha (28:8), which states that Esav realizes that his Canaanite wives were a cause of distress for Yitzchak, making no mention of Rivka being distressed: "וַיַּרְא עֵשָׂו כִּי רָעוֹת בְּנוֹת כְּנָעַן בְּעֵינֵי יִצְחָק אָבִיו". While this pasuk can be more of a statement of Esav's disregard for his mother, it is also possible to suggest that Rivka is absent from this pasuk because Esav did not witness a negative reaction from his mother towards his wives' idolatry.

However, this Midrash is problematic in light a later pasuk (27:46) where we find Rivka's unambiguous exclamation of grief regarding Esav's choice of wives: "וַתֹּאמֶר רִבְקָה אֶל יִצְחָק קַצְתִּי בְחַיַּי מִפְּנֵי בְּנוֹת חֵת אִם לֹקֵחַ יַעֲקֹב אִשָּׁה מִבְּנוֹת חֵת כָּאֵלֶּה מִבְּנוֹת הָאָרֶץ לָמָּה לִּי חַיִּים." Rivka stated to Yitzchak that she was disgusted with her life because of her Hittite daughters-in-law, and if Yaacov would also take a Hittite wife her life would no longer be worth living. This emphatic, emotional statement seems to imply that Rivka was disgusted by the behavior of her daughters-in-law.

In order to resolve this seeming contradiction, we can look to the Rashbam's (27:46, s.v. "אם לוקח יעקב") intriguing explanation that Rivka's apparent "disgust" that she describes here is merely an alibi intended to hide her own devious dominant role in enabling Yaacov to receive Esav's berachot: "דרך חכמה אמרה רבקה ליצחק להרחיק יעקב מעשו ולא גילתה לו שבשביל שטימת אחיו עשתה כן". Rivka did not want Yitzchak to know that she was in any way involved in Yaacov's deception and therefore did not want to make it appear as if she knew anything at all about the incident; therefore, she concocts the reasoning of her intolerance of the Hittite women. According to Rashbam, Rivka's emotional words here are insincere, and therefore we have no evidence that Rivka was angered by the avoda zara around her. Therefore, we can still accept the midrash's assertion that Rivka was not angered by being in such "close quarters" with avoda zara. This comment of Rashbam works well with an additional comment of his, earlier in the parshah (26:35), where he explains, quoting Onkelos, that Yitzchak and Rivka's "מרת רוח", bitter spirit, towards Esav's wives derives not from the latter's idolatry but rather from the general disobedience that they exhibited towards Yitzchak and Rivka: "והואה מסרבן ומרגזן על מימר יצחק ורבקה." Yet again, the Rashbam seems to be comfortable with the Midrash's assertion that Rivka was not bothered by the idolatry taking place so close to home.

What is surprising is that none of these sources that describe Rivka's lack of anger towards the idol worship taking place in her proximity seem to criticize Rivka for this attitude. It is clear that Rivka loved Hashem, yet, apparently, there seems to be no contradiction from the fact that she is not angered by explicit idol worship within her very own family. This nuanced attitude of the midrash, which we have shown to be adopted by Rashbam as well, imparts the message that one can make huge strides in their avodat Hashem, even become a matriarch (!), and still not be expected to sever herself from her past and uproot her deeply ingrained emotional world. Rivka rose from being part of a family of idol worshippers to become Rivka Imeinu. However, despite Rivka's high spiritual level, she remained cognizant the entire time that her brother, father, and daughters-in-law were continuing to serve idols, and this knowledge served as an integral part of her past and present emotional consciousness.

Perhaps we can suggest that Rivka can be praised for her level-headedness in this situation. Instead of being intolerant of the religious behavior of her daughters-in-law, whom she naturally judged favorably in light of her background, she focused her energies on being critical of the religious behavior of her son Esav, who Rivka felt had no excuse for his poor religious behavior since he was privy to an upbringing in a monotheistic home. Rivka reminds us that every sincere Eved Hashem can have a unique connection to G-d, which takes into account and celebrates one's unique experiences and personality.