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In this weeks parsha we find the fascinating story of the birth and young lives of Yaakov and Eisav. As we know the 2 brothers could not be more different. And the pasuk tells us in perek 26:27 “ויגדלו הנערים ויהי עשו איש ציד איש שדה ויעקב איש תם ישב אהלים"

When the boys grew up Eisav became a skillful hunter, a man of the outdoors but Yaakov was a mild man who stayed in the tent. Eisav was an active kid. He needed action, to constantly be moving and involved in lots of excitement. Yaakov on the other hand seems more mild mannered. He was a homebody, calm and happy to sit and study and read.

Rav Shimshon Rafael Hirsch has an interesting insight into what caused so much strife between the brothers. He says that people, even brothers who are very different can potentially get along with each other. The problem was with how they were raised. Their parents did not see the different temperaments of the boys and they chose to treat them the same (perhaps especially because they were twins) Eisav with his active personality was expected to behave the same way that Yaakov did.

Rav Hirsch who lived in the late 1800s had a remarkable insight and was way ahead of his time in terms of parenting advice. He understood the pasuk in Mishle which says “חנוך לנער על פי דרכו"

Teach each child according to their way. No two kids are the same even if they are from the same parents or even the same womb! Kids need to taught according to their personalities and temperaments. Some children will grow to become talmidei chachamim and they will serve Hashem through learning like Yaakov. But other children will be able to serve Hashem by going out into the world and interreacting with it. Perhaps Eisav felt he didn’t measure up to expectations and this led him to anger and jealousy.

Interestingly Yaakov seems to internalize this flawed message. When he is on his death bed in Parshat Yayechi he gives each of his 12 sons a bracha. They each receive a different message in their bracha. One that is individualized and personalized to fit their unique personality. Later in Parshat Vayishlach Yaakov and Eisav were able to reconcile when each had established their own families and found their own paths. We can love and appreciate those who are different from us and remember that Hashem created each of us with our own unique set of strengths and characteristics.