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This week's parsha, Parshat Toldaot, begins by telling us about Rivka and Yitzchak's inability to have children. After both she and Yitzchak prayed to Hashem, she becomes pregnant with twins. The Torah relates to us that Rivka had a very difficult pregnancy—"V'yitrotzetzu habanim bkirba" (Ber. 25:22) which can be translated as either the children agitated or ran inside her womb. Disturbed by the difficulty , Rivka states "Lama Ze Anochi"—"what is the for me?" (Ber. 25:22) What is the meaning of this cryptic phrase? The commentators disagree.

Radak explains that Rivka was asking: "why am I different?" According to Radak, she went to other women in the community and asked them if her experience was similar to the pregnancies that they had endured. When she was told that her pain was not normal, she sought Hashem for answers—"vateilech lidrosh et Hashem" ("She went to seek a message from Hashem". Ber. 25:22)

Rashi, on the other hand, views this question as Rivka's asking: "what do I need this for?" She did not understand why Hashem was "punishing" her or forcing her to struggle in this manner. Nonetheless, Rivka went to seek answers from Hashem as opposed to being angry and in response turning away from Him.

Ramban has a very different approach to understanding this question. He sees "Lama Ze Anochi" as Rivka asking "if this pregnancy is so difficult, then why am I alive?"

"Why is this happening to me?" is a question that we ask ourselves during trying times, and it is a question than does not often have an easy answer. However, when posing such a profound, existential question it is rarely the answer that proves to be "life-changing", but rather the journey we take to get there. It is getting to the source, the underlying reason for the question, which is truly transformative. At times this question can boil down to what is my purpose in this world, what is my role in this seemingly complex universe which I find myself in.

One would think that since Rivka had desired this pregnancy and had prayed so hard for it, she would be angry with Hashem when it was so challenging and painful. The Torah, however, tells us that after posing such a deep question, Rivka does something else entirely: "Va-teilech Li-drosh et Hashem"—she goes out to seek Hashem in order to better understand her purpose in life. Once she was able to overcome the initial emotional response, she was able to pose the bigger question of "what is my purpose in life?" and start on her journey to find an answer.

At times of struggle and uncertainty, rather than getting angry with and turning away from God, we must look to form a closeness with Him in hopes of finding an ordered and discernable future. At first we might look at a struggle in a bad light and ask "why am I alive" or "why is this happening to me", but once the initial emotional response clears we are able to see life's bigger question: "Lama ze anochi"- "what is my purpose", "what is the very nature of my existence?" While we will almost certainly encounter "birth pains" in the process, we must strive to be like Rivka and not allow them to be stumbling blocks on our journey to find meaning and purpose in our lives.