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Parshat Vayishlach opens with the story of Ya'akov and Esav's reunion.
These two brothers, who parted on very uncivil terms, are about to encounter each other after years of being apart. The verses that tell us this story also teach us a lesson that extends beyond the narrative of the text.

We are informed of Ya'akov's sending of messengers to Esav to find favor in his eyes, of the messengers' report to Ya'akov upon their return, and of the actual meeting. The verse regarding the messengers' report reads: "The messengers returned to Yaakov, saying: We came to your brother, to Esav, and he is coming to meet you with four hundred men." (Genesis 32:7)

This verse is rather ambiguous, and does not tell us of Esav's intent.
Rashi interprets the verse to mean that while Ya'akov is trying to show "brotherly" love to Esav, really Esav is still the same old evil "Esav"
that he was all along. Hence, the entourage of four hundred men is one that is on its way to attack Ya'akov and his family. On the other hand, Rashbam explains that Esav was happy to meet Ya'akov's messengers, and is on his way with four hundred men himself to express his great love and joy in the reunion with his brother. The disparity between the interpretations of these two exegetes highlights the ambiguity of the text. The verse itself is objectively quite neutral, yet we tend to immediately interpret it one way or the other, probably based on how we were first taught this story as children. If one always thought that Esav was out to get Ya'akov and attack him, Rashbam's reading seems so unusual, yet when taking a step back, one can objectively see that their perspective is based on interpretation, rather than fact.

Rav Yosef Bechor Shor presents a different interpretation of the verse, which reflects the ambiguity of the objective text. He states that the messengers did not know if Esav's intention was for war or peace, because as Esav decided to come and communicate directly with Ya'akov, he had no need to send any messages through intermediaries.

We can learn two lessons from the explanation of the Bechor Shor.

Firstly, in the context of the story, we see the value of direct communication when trying to work out differences. While it may seem more comfortable to solve our interpersonal problems through a third party, be it a friend, teacher, or parent, involving such parties can lead to further distance and a lack of true understanding of the other person's perspective. Another lesson in interpersonal relationships that we can learn from this interpretation is not from the story itself, but from our interpretation of the facts presented in the text. The Torah just tells us a fact: that Esav is coming with four hundred men. We believe that the Torah is multi-faceted and that multiple, conflicting interpretations can be legitimate, and both the approaches of Rashi and Rashbam are well-rooted in our tradition.

However, seeing the Bechor Shor's neutral, objective interpretation reminds us to differentiate between facts, and the interpretation of those facts.
Sometimes we get into arguments with the people closest to us not because of the reality of what they've done, but because of how we perceive that reality. We're angry that our friend or spouse didn't call us because we interpret that objective fact as a sign that the friend/spouse isn't thinking of us. It would serve us well to remind ourselves that the fact is an objective one, and may be subject to other interpretations that would not anger or upset us. For example, maybe that friend/spouse's cell phone battery died, or they were very busy that day with something urgent, or they thought that we didn't want to be interrupted from whatever we were doing.

May we be blessed with strength and clarity to apply these messages:
Firstly, to engage in direct communication, albeit uncomfortable, when we are in conflict with those to whom we are closest. Secondly, to remember to check if our feelings of anger and frustration are stemming from our interpretation of the facts, and when they are, to liberate ourselves and heal our relationships by reminding ourselves that the facts are ambiguous and open to alternate interpretations. Shabbat Shalom!